Less is not more; more is more

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

• Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. 
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. 
• If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 
• Get in the shower. 
• Position the shower nozzle away from you and turn on water.
• Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
• Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
• Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean. 
• Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced conditioner. 
• Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
• Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
• Complain bitterly when you realize that your husband has once again been eating your ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 
• Rinse conditioner off hair. 
• Scream loudly when your husband runs faucet and you get a rush of cold water.
• Shave armpits and legs. 
• Turn off shower. 
• Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. 
• Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner. 
• Get out of shower. 
• Dry with towel the size of a small country. 
• Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 
• Apply body lotion from the neck down. Moisturize! Moisturize! 
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 
• If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 

How To Shower Like a Man

• Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 
• Walk naked to the bathroom. 
• If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound. 
• Look at your manly physique in the mirror. 
• Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. 
• Get in the shower.
• Turn on the water, get jet blast in ear. 
• Wash your face (not required). 
• Wash your armpits (not required). 
• Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 
• Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. 
• Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
• Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. 
• Cough up anything that might be lodged in the back of your throat. 
• Shampoo your hair with a bar of soap. (No need for conditioner.)  
• Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 
• Wee. 
• Sample your girlfriend’s/wife’s ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash bar. 
• Rinse off and get out of shower. 
• Partially dry off. 
• Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath t he whole time. 
• Admire willy size in mirror again. 
• Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 
• Return to bedroom with towel around waist. 
• If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again. 
• Throw wet towel on bed.